Day 2 of a 30 day writing challenge. 2nd post. I didn’t write yesterday. No excuse, I just didn’t. But I’m writing today. Why? I read an interesting quote in my horoscope for this week – What matters most is what you actually do with the opportunities that bear weight. Chasing even the most constant muse is not enough; you must work with her daily, diligently and devotedly.
Because of this quote, today I went to yoga, cleaned my house and am writing. Three things that are important to me but 3 things that I’m not good at (anymore). I have never been good at cleaning, actually, I’m better now than I’ve ever been, but still not that great. It’s something that I thought I would have down by the time I hit 44, but alas, like so many other things it is still a work in progress.
The prompt for the 30 day writing challenge yesterday, the day I didn’t write, was:
Write a letter to the person you think you should have been by now. Explain to them why you aren’t them and offer them proof that who you are is better.
This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Why I chose now to take a snapshot of my life’s trajectory I have no idea, but I didn’t and it isn’t great, but it also isn’t bad – I guess I’d say it is “interesting’. The person I think I should have been by now is actually awesome, I am not better than her, but the ‘interesting’ part is that I am Way better now than the person I shockingly easily could have become and the person that i was on the way to becoming.
So today, I am celebrating all the hers that I am not.
I am not a raging alcoholic – genetic predisposition and plenty of practice starting at age 12. Hit my peak around 17, then luckily tapered off from there and quit completely at age 38. Thank you ayahuasca.
I am not a bitter divorcee addicted to pain killers – Yes, I wish I was married, but no, I do not wish I was married to any of the men I’ve been in a relationship with so far in my life, even the two I was engaged to. All nice people, but nope. I’m good.
I don’t have kids who hate me – Yes, I wish I had children, but no, I cannot guarantee that I would have been a good mom. With children I would have stayed in a relationship that I wasn’t happy in, I wouldn’t have been able to have the time and experiences that have led me to such an incredible healing path which would have definitely led to all of the above. Thank you, body, for having more wisdom that I ever have, and made me infertile way before I could have fucked up my and many others lives in the process.
So no, I’m not the person I hoped I would be. But Thank God, I am definitely not the person I could have been. And the most interesting part is because of that, because of where I am now, I very well could still become the her I always wanted to be.
wordstopaige 