Note: I just remembered that is was Doris Lessing who said she had written two novels, two awful novels, before her first good one. If she can write a bunch of crap, so can I.
Recent medicine vision – I was feeling so ungrounded, lost really, looking for some sort of ‘title’ or identity to help me focus on what work I was to do in the world. If I was trained as a lawyer or an accountant, at least I could narrow the playing field and know where to focus my attention. I would just go be that, and not be confused, so diffused, so lost. The vision then showed me that I am a “that” if I want to be, I’m a writer. Everything I’ve done has trained me to be a writer. My education, my hobbies, my interests, everything. The simple fact is I’ve chosen not to do it. Since I was a child I’ve completely distracted myself and turned away from the true calling I’ve been craving, I’ve been carved out to do. Literally, my life has been one massive, excruciating case of writer’s block. There isn’t one thing I’ve done that isn’t simply an avoidance of expressing myself.
That’s why today all I’m going to do is write around the block. I’m not going to move it, or rise above it, or even try to pretend it’s gone. Lazy, tired, busy, anxious, scared, ashamed, whatever, I’m just going to write anyway.
wordstopaige 